Last week, I was in a situation where the person I was meeting was outright rude and loud.
I did something that surprised me.
I told them to calm down before talking to me, or else I wonât respond and likely leave.
I usually consider myself âunderstandingâ and âniceâ. But sometimes being nice comes at a cost to your self-respect or peace, and I have just stopped allowing that.
That made me think of all the things I am grateful I have stopped doing. Sharing these just as a gentle reminder not just to you, but to me.đ
reacting when emotionally compromised
I will type a Slack message or an email but not send it. I will leave calls and WhatsApp messages unattended. If I am annoyed at my husband, I take mental notes instead of snapping right away. I often tell my parents I will talk to them later.
My rule is if I am not feeling emotionally sober - if I am hangry, annoyed, stressed, sad, or just not feeling it, I will hold off on reacting or taking decisions that have consequences.
9 times out of 10, I thank myself for not sending that message right away or showing more patience with my loved ones!
I didnât expect this as an add-on advantage, but it has helped me build more trust in myself. I trust myself more to fully read the situation and then provide sound feedback.
I hold my ground further because now I don't react. I take the time to think through it and provide you with practical rationale reasoning.
And when I do that, I also set up a boundary for how people can behave with me. I hold them to the same standards of thoughtfulness and emotional stability as I show them.
second-guessing my decisions
I realized I spent a lot of energy not just taking decisions, but then also going through them over and over again to find any sign that I might be wrong.
Especially as a designer, I make tons of decisions on a daily basis with big and small impacts and have to defend these with stakeholders.
Second-guessing your decisions is exhausting.
Now I have a few filters. How long will I feel the effects if my decision is wrong - few hours, days, months, years? Is it reversible or irreversible? What else would I want to do is due diligence which I havenât done?
Once I do, I try and feel confident that I did my due diligence and make peace that sometimes I will be wrong. Freeing up that space by not second-guessing myself has been life-changing.
feeling responsible for other peopleâs experience
I didnât even realize I did this, till I read like a casual Instagram post.
I used to worry incessantly about if people around me are having fun, or have eaten food, or being happy.
And that takes a lot away from your experience. You donât feel present enough for yourself. You try and fix things out of your control.
So then I told myself everyone around me is an adult (luckily!). They made a decision to show up or not show up/ eat or not eat/ be happy or not.
Itâs not my responsibility.
It might sound very obvious, but I feel as women we are conditioned to some extent to care about how everyone is feeling. And it took me a while to unlearn that!
fill pauses
If itâs an awkward or difficult conversation, I donât try and make it not be so.
Letting the silence sits helps.
It gives space to the other person to think and really come out with a surprising answer.
It builds another level of companionship when you can be quiet with each other.
It shows you are sure in yourself and what you bring to the table. You are not hurried or desperate to make an impression. It helps you feel more connected to your own thought process.
overcommitting my calendar
Leave space for joy. Leave space for doing nothing.
I no longer fully jam pack my social calendar with friends and outings.
I enjoy stretches of weeks where I am not traveling. Or a weekend where I have nothing planned.
Just last week, an old friend showed up for dinner with a few hoursâ notice and we had the deepest and nicest conversations. I went out to write in the sun and watched kids jump off the ledge. I chilled on the sofa eating Kurkure.
Leaving space to help you become more you. I donât know how that works.
đ my favorites this week
Apart from Taylor and Taylors reuniting, finding out Gwyneth Paltrowâs house has a spa, and following Margot Robiie delivering the most epic press tour looks, here are a few things I loved.
đ Multi-layered calendars by Julian Lehr
If you are a fan of long thoughtful essays like me, youâll love this.
đ Defrosting a low-trust relationship at work by
The kind of writing I would love to write. Erika is rooted in the day-to-day of working in tech, so her advice is relatable and actionable.
đ The Pivot Year by Briaana Wiest
I have been reading a few pages every morning, and itâs made my days more intentional.
đž Moment
Sam got a garlic press and I wasnât convinced. So he made us garlic bread and omg. It reminded me of these pizza rolls we bought from Amer Bakery in my hometown. I am convinced and would 100% recommend getting one!
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Love this post, and I also regularly reflect on what I'm doing that I don't need to do anymore (for any reason). A good reminder that I'm overdue!
Thank you for the shout out to The Career Whispers. You write beautifully, too, imho.
Hey Chhavi, great read!
just design tea is one of the few blogs that I look out for every week. I like how the content is relatable to such an extent. Loved the articles about product managers too :P
Iâm waiting to hear back about a PD opportunity at Bumble. Would love to talk to you as part of the process or even later as well. Thanks for all the amazing insights, cheers!