Screw the big picture & connecting dots 🍵 just design tea #14

On handing rejections and failing better.

Apr 25, 2023

When I didn’t get into university of my choice, my first legit big rejection, I was a cocktail of annoyance and depression. I voluntarily chose to take a drop year - and balance torque and chemical equations and calculus. I look back and think WHY?

I am a planner and a closet manifestation-guru. I have always had big plans for myself and I have absolutely hated, cried, become unhinged every time my plans haven’t worked out.

In short, I am terrible at dealing with rejections.

So while my future therapist will have her hands full, I still think I will be fab at writing an advice column on how to deal with rejections. Because I know all the things that definitely do not work.

it shows that you care.

Every time I feel bad after a rejection, I ask myself why so?

Mostly the answer is, I genuinely cared about that thing. Whatever that thing is - project I love, job I wanted, writing I hoped people would love, trench coat I was bidding on Ebay.

We don’t feel bad about things we don’t put our full efforts into.We are okay letting it pass.

I also love that I feel it with the same intensity as the 18 year old me did. It’s a marker I still am that driven and ambitious.

you can connect the dots only looking backwards

I was once interviewing for a role in Shopify. It was based in Ottawa, Canada.

I was devastated when I didn’t make it. I took it as one of my biggest career setbacks back then!

Looking back, it was possibly one of the best things that happened. It’s freezing out there, I would have hated it. My then-boyfriend, now husband would still be a 8 hour flight away. It was right before pandemic, so I could have gotten stuck there.

I was focused in my efforts after that setback, that probably helped me move to Barcelona a few months later. Now that was wonderful.

Like Steve Jobs said about attending a calligraphy workshop - you can only connect the dots looking backwards.

Also they are your dots then, so you can connect however you want them and make a compelling story out of it.

fail better

I am reading this book, and I resonated with advice Dov gives Sadie when the game she makes fail. He tells her to fail better.

Fail better by retrospecting, trying bigger things, anticipating risks and challenges, being more prepared.

If you are not hearing no often, you are not pushing big enough. You are only taking bets you know will pay off.

And most importantly, being kind to yourself, getting back up again as fast as possible!

What was that one career thing which you thought was a rejection/setback but actually turned out to be really good for you?

💛 My favourites this week

📝 Conscious Renegotiation: a Skill for Your Relationship by Deb Liu

Hard truth: huge part of your career and life is the personal relationships you have. I found this blog helpful in framing my thinking around setting expectations and supporting your partner.

📝 **How to get sh*t done by Shreyas Doshi**

Notion brain dump for one of his workshops, found it helpful to copy/paste/remix my thoughts with it.

📕 Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

I just finished this and it’s gonna take me a day or two to recover. It’s a brilliant book, and the book that got me out of my reading slump.

👀 Notes by Substack

So far it feels long-form Twitter without the noise. I am so excited to see where this heads. If it lands right, this could be big.

Talk next week, Chhavi x

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