The word Selfish has such a negative feel to it right?
So hard to step back and look at it differently. It feels like you almost need permission if you were to use this to describe yourself.
I think selfishishness is deeply entangled with self-care and self-love. I think being selfish is becoming more of you.
When you decide what you want for yourself, what you truly want - more often than not you have to change. And that change means letting go of people, values and habits that no longer serve you. That change means resetting your boundaries.
And boundaries often look and feel like selfishness.
Like Brianna West put it, “The deepest form of self-care is building a life you are in love with, and that is very often an unbeautiful thing”
If you feel like you are being selfish, like I have been a lot lately, take this as a sign to examine why, and what’s driving you. I am sharing some instances, hoping it helps you be selfish when you need to be.
Learning to say no.
It’s been incredibly hard for me to learn that every time we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else. Learning to say no is work in progress. Some no’s recently that felt selfish, but served me well.
No to taking a meeting when I am in my focus/writing mode.
No to keeping the house sparkling clean on weekdays.
No to meeting up with a situational friend group.
No to picking up a friend’s call when you are mentally exhausted yourself.
No to a career opportunity that felt too good to say no to.
Asking for help
I used to think you can only ask for help when things go beyond your control. I am slowly learning that you can ask for help anytime you like.
You don’t need to be on the edge of breakdown to ask for help.
Look at your calendar this week and find one thing you can do yourself, but you would rather have someone support you to make it easier for you. Can be cooking a meal or planning an upcoming event. It’s so hard and feels so selfish.
Activating the “maybe later” mode
You don’t have to reply to all DMs within 10 hours, most times you can go “maybe later”. You can walk away from a uncomfortable conversation and tell them you will think about it, maybe later.
You can go out for that solo-date for coffee or workout even if the house is messy or you have a deadline. Small acts of self-prioritizing are not selfish.
Society and social media glamorizes having it all, doing it all, being there for everyone. Don’t fall for it. Look after yourself. Be selfish sometimes x
📝 Old friends by
Been thinking about friendships and how to keep up with old friends a lot these days. This quote has my heart ”You never meet the same person twice, not even in the same person"
📝 Things I know (at 60) by
Big fan of birthday lists. I don’t care if Twitter doesn’t like them.
📹 The Supermodels on AppleTV
Did you have FTV on cable growing up? I loved this behind-the-scenes look into the fashion world. Very Devil wears Prada x Kardashians vibe.
📕 A Court of Throne & Roses by Sarah J Mass
Okay I am officially in my reading-fantasy-era. It’s been so fun diggin’ into a series, I think my last was Harry Potter or Twilight?
🎧 1989 - Taylor’s Version
Okay how much do we agree with all the conspiracy theories that song is about Harry Styles? Yes.
🛍️ Sweater-tucker belt on Amazon
With chunky sweater season back (meh) - maybe this will be life changing? Keep you updated.
📸 Moment
Meeting my brilliant, ambitious, kind team I have been working with the whole of 2023 - so proud of us omg.
Talk next week,
Chhavi x