biggest change in me... 🍵 design tea #24

On speaking up confidently in group meetings

I am writing to you from Barcelona. This city has been the most glorious backdrop to my highest of highs and lowest of lows.

One of the highlights was catching up with my work peeps from N26.

Back during lockdown, B told me he met a nice girl on Bumble. When we met, he told me they are now living together and have a cat!

D was gonna have a baby when I was leaving N26, and so soon as he came I obviously demanded pictures of his 2-year-old daughter.

While we dug into the heavenly basque cheesecake, B’ who always asks the best of questions, asked me.

What has changed in you when you were at N26 vs now that you are in Bumble?

I knew the answer. I have been sitting on it for a while.

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The biggest change in me professionally has been…

that I can speak up and share my thoughts confidently in group meetings.

Early in my career, I received repeated feedback to speak up more in meetings, to push for good UX more aggressively, and to lead meetings with more authority.

Looking back, I can see why.

I think partly it was because I was still junior-ish and imposter syndrome was real.

But mostly, it was nobody told me actionable tips and tricks to get over it!!

So sharing all the tiny things, often so invisible, that worked for me.

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💬 Speak up as early as possible in a call

The longer you stay quiet, the harder it is to then speak up in a group setting.

Join meetings early to ground yourself. Make small talk with the first few folks on the call.

Send signals to your brain that it’s a safe space.

The momentum makes you comfortable sharing your thoughts as the meeting progresses.

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💬 Take physical notes

I used to struggle with forming cohesive arguments while also following along a meeting.

So I started writing down all my points in a notebook. Almost like you are attending a lecture.

Once you physically see your thoughts written down, your urge to unmute yourself and share them aloud is stronger.

…and you can come up with more thoughtful, cohesive observations.

This also helps to not feel awkward interrupting people. You can collect your thoughts and at each milestone, be like ”I have a few thoughts so far that I would like to share…”.

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💬 Set the stage to screw up

If you are worried what you are gonna say is obvious to the group or irrelevant or that you can be totally wrong. State that and then SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS.

Sorry for the caps, but it just annoys me that it’s mostly women who struggle to speak up and are likely to filter themselves.

Back to the point.

You can guardrail yourself by saying
”This might not be relevant at this moment but I would still like to share…”
”Correct me if I am wrong but I think…”
”This might be obvious so maybe this has been already considered, but have we thought about doing XYZ…”

Back yourself and share your thoughts. Please.

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💬 Unmute yourself and agree verbally

This was another thing I wish I learned to do.

Sometimes you end up being a passive listener in a meeting just because you agree with everything lol.

Even if you agree or have nothing to add, unmute yourself and say it out loud.

“I am aligned with what you have shared”
”All of this looks brilliant, I couldn’t agree more“
”I am following along and so far I have nothing to add”

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💬 Remember you are being photographed

I learned this concept from this absolutely amazing book by

Deb Liu

🤍

This might be a bit paraphrased but go along with it.

Imagine every meeting you attend, a picture of your presence is being taken. How would you look in that picture?

Is your presence picture blurred? Or is your presence clear and noticeable?

Always strive to be an active part of meetings - and that most often includes speaking up.

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💬 Know that it is a skill

At one point, I had given up thinking I am a quiet person and this is my personality and hence I will never be a leader.

That’s silly.

Speaking up in meetings confidently / public speaking is a skill. You can get better at it.

Be objective. For every meeting, have a goal of speaking up at least 2-3 times.

Ask your peers/ managers for feedback. Revisit how you did in meetings and what you could have done differently.

Know and drill it deep in your subconscious - your voice matters and you need to speak up.

I hope this helped. This is something I feel very strongly about, and would love to chat if you are on a similar journey.

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💛 My favorites this week

📝 Write for yourself by Lawrence Yeo

It narrates so beautifully why I personally write, for the future me. The following line by him has all my heart. ”Because with each post I write, I’m creating a lasting reminder to myself of what I’m capable of thinking.”

🎙 Tom Holland on Jay Shetty’s podcast!

I am sorry but this multi-verse crossover was not on my 2023 bingo card. Loved the honest raw conversation.

📸 Moment

This quaint 13th-century Catalan church was the center of my being during my darkest days. Being here this week was everything! Thanks to my mum for capturing this one.

If you loved the tea today consider sending me a DM here.

Talk next week, Chhavi x

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