29 things I learned at 29🍵 just some tea #39
On life, wedding, friendships, jealousy, and dinner parties!
The 29th metal in periodic table is Copper. One of the oldest metals used by humans, it has high electrical conductivity and resistance to corrosion. It is a native metal - it can exist in nature uncombined with it’s distinct mineral structure.
That’s what this year felt for me. I feel peace in being fully me, without diluting myself.
I started writing these birthday lists at 22. I distinctly remember Taylor Swift singing I-don't-know-about you, but-I'm-feeling-22 in the background.
Every birthday, I almost don’t write these (here’s 23, 24, 25, 27, 28).
Except this year when I have been taking notes all years, and have been ready to hit publish a week ago.
Again, this one’s for all my past and future versions.❤️
Send voice notes as long as podcasts to your long distance friends.
One of best uses of money is to create experiences for your friends and family to be together.
(Plan that wedding with your best friend if you have a chance.)On that note, hire a wedding planner. Or a planner or a do-er that helps you free up time to spend on things you love.
Also on that note, marry someone you respect, and someone who respects you back more. Love is deeply rooted in respect.
You will have days when your loved ones are sad or suffering and you would do anything to change that but you cannot. Best you can do is be there.
Travel with your family. Those memories are like glowing fireflies on darker days.
Anger is a form of power display. Most people, especially loved ones use anger as a way to tip power dynamics. Be careful and look out for yourself and your boundaries.
When people oppose to your new boundaries, it’s because they benefited from your old ones.
Let them. If people are hanging out with you, talking about you, or doing things you cannot control, let them.
You do not need to stumble on friendships, you can build them. Get on a friend finding app, schedule friend dates, find and be a friend you need.
Friendships will fade and that is okay too. Not every season, all flowers bloom.
Life feels easier when you think about it in seasons. Some seasons are for change, and some for being buried under the soil.
When interviewing for a new job, choose the one with people you like. Give your gut feeling a seat on the table.
Listen to your gut feeling. If you keep ignoring it, it dims. But if you keep listening, it becomes loud and clear enough to guide you through a jungle.
Not all decisions come with equal consequences. Spend time proportionately. You really don’t need to overthink color of your gel nails, they literally last 14 days.
Have an alternate city - where you know the bus routes, have a favorite cafe, have a handful of friends you can chat with for hours. Show up every year.
It’s okay to start traveling around with your favorite tea and candle. Knowing how to ground yourself in new places is an acquired skill.
Find a podcast you love. It makes boring tiresome errands something you can look forward to.
Use a perfume for a trip or a life event. Next time to put it on, you will be reminded of that.
Continuously audit the mental load you have - most of your stress comes from invisible tasks that only get noticed if not done.
It’s okay if you don’t want to share details about things. You have a right to keep things to yourself. Not secret, but private.
Find a niece or someone younger than you by 2 decades to pamper. Their joy brightens up your life.
Have a suit (or an outfit) you feel confident in, you never know when you get to present to your CEO.
Have a list of books being published in the upcoming year you are exciting about.
Freely mute and restrict people on social media, even if its just because you are feeling petty or jealous. Its your space, you get to make the rules.
Use jealousy as a way to find signposts for what you really want in your life.
You don’t have to workout, you get to workout.
Host small intimate dinner parties. Keep your weekends free for that last minute dinner plan.
If you walk into a new workout class alone, or any space alone as a beginner between strangers, you are gutsy. Don’t forget that.
📕 Reading
Every year around this time, I like to read about death. I know that sounds super morbid, but it helps me with perspective. I love to step back and reflect on just how lucky I am to be alive and get to celebrate another birthday!
My annual reads are this beautiful book When breath becomes air, and this beautiful heartbreaking essay by Chef Fatima.
🎧 Listening
I lost my airpods, so I am listening to my own thoughts atm. Not the most fun at all times.
📸 Moment
Choosing the icing for my chocolate birthday cake.
One of my favorite thing last year was when at our wedding, our friends became friends with each other. The joy of finding your kinda humans is unparalleled.
As a birthday gift if you would like, I would love for you to send across my writing to one of your friends who you think will match our vibe. Or not, is fine. I am also good with cash or houseplants. 🪴
Talk next week,
Chhavi x
The chef Fatima link is broken, can you update? It takes me to the Goodreads for 'when breath becomes air'
Happy happy birthday!